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Little Miss. Plump

I am plump, somehow this is a surprise to me. Before I got pregnant I weighed 120 pounds (I am almost 5’6”, I am not heavily muscled and I have a small frame) I probably could have lost 5 pounds and looked a bit better (I had a pinch around my middle). Well I went a bit crazy when I was pregnant and gained 60 pounds (the 3 months of modified bed rest really did not help). Everyone in my family gained 40 or 50 pounds and had 5 or 6 pound babies…so I did not want to skimp on the weight gain…I might have a 4 pounder and I did not want to feel guilty about that….but perhaps I over did with gaining 60 I had a 9lb 3oz baby with a giant head and shoulders that did not fit in baby clothes (yes ouch…I should have opted for a C-section). I dropped 20 pounds in the hospital but I was still porking around at 40 pounds over my normal size. I got scary giant boobs (size 36DD is just wrong) but I got the butt and poochy belly to go with them. I was breast feeding my baby and every time I tried to loose a bit of weight I would over do it (or more correctly not eat enough) and end up with not enough milk…my baby was super fat and liked his milk and if he was still hungry and it was gone he turned from a sweet cherubim into a bighty monster (at every feeding… it is really hard to let down when you are tensed and ready with your pointer finger to jam it into your bulldog baby’s mouth to be sure he does not come away with your nipple)…I only tried dieting twice before I learned that I should just wait until I was done breast feeding.

So 6 months after I was done breast feeding (I quit 3 days before the kid turned one) I was down an another 20 pounds…although I must say I am disappointed to find out that 20 pounds over weight I still look gross, somehow I thought it would be better. At 40 pounds I found myself repulsive….but now I am just gross. I finally decided that I needed some help when 3 people in the same day asked be about #2…I still have a poochy belly and look 4 months pregnant. I have not done much exercise (other then walking and that is really not that great of an ab workout).

So a few months ago (the kid is almost 2) I still weight 140 pounds and I am still fat. I decided that I needed some help, I had signed up for the Mommy without pounds news letter so I would get a weekly reminder that I am supposed to be getting thinner…but it was expensive (ok not expensive I just had other things I wanted to spend my money on…like cookies and candy) so I decided why not, they had a special and I ordered it. The eating part is pretty much like what you would expect, eat healthy and watch your servings…but the exercises were crazy. I did the ones you are supposed to start 1-2 days or weeks after you have a baby (I have a 21 month old) and they kicked me in the abs…wow I had forgotten to exercise those muscles (hence the poochy stomach). I found that I sat up straight at the computer and that my stomach instead of pooching out went somewhat straight across…until it ballooned over my pants. I was doing very good I was down 2 pounds but I looked so much better I was exercising and was almost in a size 8, but I found I was spending my one good hour of personal time (yes I know it was only every other day…but that is still a lot) exercising, with the warm up, cardio, strength training, and cool down…then there is the shower time too. After I added it up I quit exercising and have not exercised in a month. I could kick myself but I cannot make myself go exercise.

In some ways I think being fat has made me more compassionate to fat people…it is awful and I feel sorry for them…and in other ways it has made me less tolerant…I had to tell my husband that he had crossed a line from fat to obsess and repulsive. I had never before even minded that he was fat, I liked him that way he is soft and cuddly (just like our little boy, my mother in law picked up our son and said he felt just like Scott as a baby…I don’t think I told her but he feels just like Scott now…ok he is much less hairy). When I was fat I felt like a skinny person trapped in a fat body, I was shocked when I looked in a mirror or saw picture…that could not be me! At 20 pounds over weight I feel like me again, but I am surprised looking in a mirror like ewww where did all that fat come from? I need some motivation to not eat that yummy ice cream or those salty crunch potato chips…perhaps I will have some water and go to bed. I better brush my teeth fast.

Here is the Before Baby picture (at my sisters wedding)
6 months before I got pregnant
Me very very pregnant
So big I could not sleep
Me with my scary boobs
one week before I quit nursing
Me now
sitting is not my worst look

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